Was I Raped?

Many people do not realize that there are many cases where rape is not obvious. Before being date raped, even I assumed that rape was characterized by violence, such as having your clothes ripped off. This is absolutely not true and is a dangerous assumption. Many rapes do not involve force or violence. Oftentimes, alcohol, drugs, and a bit of coercion or manipulation is all a rapist needs to get what he or she wants. Sometimes the victim might not even remember the assault until days later.

A rape that does not involve violence or force is still rape. If you are wondering whether or not you have been raped, do not allow yourself to give up or disregard your feelings. Even if you consented to some sexual activity, you may have still been assaulted.

Regardless of the circumstances, if you feel as though you have been assaulted, you probably have been. Ask yourself these questions:

  1. Were you fully consenting to the entire sexual encounter, from start to finish?

    1. For example, if a woman consents to vaginal sex and a man moves to anal sex without asking, that is rape.

  2. Were you physically able to consent the entire time? Were you drunk or high? If so…

    1. Was the other person as intoxicated as you?

    2. Did you black out, fall asleep or lose consciousness at any time? If so, do you know what the other person was doing while you were unconscious/asleep?

    3. Were you so messed up that you had trouble moving or speaking?

  3. Did any part of the sex involve something you really did not want to do, or did they continue sex even after you no longer wanted to? If so…

    1. Did you indicate at any point that you did not want to do it or that you wanted them to stop?

    2. Saying “no” is not limited to just verbally saying it. You might’ve said no with your body language by pushing them away, resisting, or even just being passive and obviously not into it.

  4. Were you afraid that if you did not have sex, the person might hurt you?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you have probably suffered some type of sexual assault and should seek help immediately. Click here for a list of resources that helped me personally. RAINN.org is a great place to start. They have both online and phone hotlines available 24/7.

When I was date raped, I was extremely drunk and I did consent to some sexual activity. However, I was blacking in and out of consciousness the whole time and was so intoxicated I could barely move or speak. When I finally passed out and fell asleep, I awoke hours later on my side to him laying behind me, still wide awake, still doing things to me as I slept. This was someone I had never had sex with and really didn’t know very well. I felt extremely uncomfortable knowing he’d been awake all that time because I had no way of knowing what he’d been doing to me while I was passed out.

(click here for the rest of my story)

Resources to help you identify if you have been raped:



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